Pizza and sex...

For most of my life I have thought that pizza and sex were very similar. What I am trying to say is that even bad sex is still pretty good sex, and so went the same for pizza. Well, that was until my experience today at lunch.

I was out looking at a job in the wonderful town of Pitman, when I had a few minutes to kill and it was getting close to lunch. Not knowing the area< I decided to ask someone where a half decent pizza place might be. Go figure, it's my luck that the person I ask had the worst set of chompers I have ever seen on someone. This lady may have been 45 and if she had two teeth I couldn't see one of them. Don't worry Muffy, I got her number for you.

So anyway, for some stupid reason, I took her advice and headed to the Venice. What a lovely establishment. I walk in, step to the counter, only to find a young girl that the personality of a stone. I asked her for two slices of my favorite, veggie pizza. She lifted the two slices off the counter rubbed her hand across the bottom of them and looked at me saying "they seem to still feel warm." What the fcuk does that mean? Are they warm or do they need to be heated? Is that cheese on top or a pale colored piece of plastic covered in grease?

So, not wanting to use any of the little bit of patience I have left for stupid people, I told her they would be fine. I paid for my slices and headed to the dining area, only to find every table covered in someone else's mouth droppings. I found the cleanest of the dirty tables and wiped it as clean as possible and began to eat my pizza.

This is where I found that even bad pizza isn't good pizza. I took one bite into my cold ass pizza and out shot a shit load of grease from between the cheese and the crust, landing all over the side of my face. That's fcuking great, not only do I learn about pizza, I know know what I would have felt like if my parents would have sent me to Neverland Ranch. Shit, atleast I would have had an out of court settlement for a few million if that was the case. But no, there I was grease running down my face, reaching for the napkin holder only to find the damn thing was empty. Now like an asshole, I have to go to the counter and ask for some napkins. Thank God I was the only person stupid enough to dine there today.

After my ordeal is over and I am done eating what was the worst pizza I have ever had, I walk into the bathroom, feeling like I had just walked into a bathroom at a gas station. I returned the bathroom key and bolted for the front door.

If youe ever hungry in Pitman, don't ask a toothless lady were some good food is, roll up your windows, lock your doors, and head to the next town to eat.

I have to go get ready, there are a bunch of us heading over to the Phillies game tonight. Lindsey loaded up some coolers and I am ready to throw a few back. It should be a rough one and most likely will end some time around 6 or 7 in the morning. Then I'm headed down the sure to watch Nowak and Sr both bitch out of their bet. Muscle up bitches and get it on.