Fake pig and a dead ficus

Wow, looks like my last post brought a few people out of the wood work. Nice to see that my readers do have a heart beat.

Tonight I was over in the city checking out the Home Show and when I was finished, we took in some Chinese food at New Harmony. I opened up the menu and saw the normal Chinese menu, except next to all the items that had anything to do with meat, they had (imitation) written. What the hell was I in for?

I decided to play it safe and I ordered the pork (imitation) fried rice. While waiting for the food to be served I decided that I wanted to try the Chinese tea (imitation). Not being a big tea fan, unless it has 12 heaping spoonfuls of sugar and half a gallon of vanilla cream, I was going out on a limb. So, I pored the tea (imitation) from the little Chinese tea pot into the thimble like cup they give you. What the eff is this? I've done shots bigger than this. I guess I shouldn't complain about the amount, because the shit taste like pure ass. Not (imitation) ass, (pure) ass!

The food took 10 minutes, as usual and seemed to look pretty good when it came out. Why does everything they do only take 10 minutes? If I order from the Chinese restaurant that is 8 minutes away, they have it cooked and delivered to my house in 10 minet. I need to know what that shit is all about.

The plate was overflowing with rice, it was enough to feed a short army...get it? Ahh, never mind. So, I added a little soy sauce and I must admit that it was pretty damn good. You could definitely taste the difference and the texture was much different, however al and all I liked it. There wasn't that gristle taste and it didn't take me 10 minet to chew threw, it wasn't as tasty, but was much the same. I must say that all this time I thought soy products weren't for me I may have been wrong.

I have tried other things that were made from soy, and didn't have much luck, but I now learned that soy may be an alternative in the future.

I'm still wondering what an (imitation) pig looks like. Does it eat what the other pigs eat? Do the other pigs laugh at it and call it names? Maybe MJ and Trooper Ron can help us out with this question.

Does anyone out there have any suggestions on (imitation) products that are healthier for us and will help me stick to my new year resolution?

Some bad news once again from pappledankin head quarters, my favorite ficus tree seems to have come down with something and isn't doing too well. During the summer, I noticed that she was in poor health and after some investigating, I saw she had mites. I treated them and she was looking pretty good. Now it seems that the mites are back and the poor girl may not make it. I don't know if this is the cause, but she doesn't have many leaves left and doesn't seem to be eating. Please faithful readers, help a brother out, save my tree.

I also would like to tell my friends that the effing suck balls!!! Not just any balls, but sweaty midget balls. The kind that have been rubbing between two bowed legs all day after he has had to exert twice as much effort just to keep up with the bigger people and their bigger steps. I needed a little help from a few of them, since I can't lift anything, and I have been calling for about a week, but I've got very little response. Well listen fuckers, if I could do it alone, I would, but I can't, so get your asses together and help a brother out! Nuff said...later Peckerheads!