Effing Squirrels

So I gave you two months to trick your foot and you still can't do it.

Truth of the matter is that I just haven't really felt like blogging. I've been too damn lazy and playing poker online was more important and fun.

But, I'm back and I need some guidance. Some time last week I was sitting in my house and heard what seemed to be a small animal in my attic. Being the bad ass mofo that I am, I called lil bro over to go up there and check it out. About three minutes after he went up there, I stuck my chest out and headed up. Let me tell you, if a piece of dust blew by my face I may have been screaming like a bitch running down the stairs. I don't know what it is, I just don't like squirrels, rats or mice.

After a little time went by and that crazy son a bitch stuck his head in every corner and hole in my attic, it was determined that whatever was up there was now gone. Well, a few nights later I heard the noise again and now the little effer is inviting his friends over and having daily orgies in my effing attic. No joke, I have effing squirrels in my house!

At first it was no big deal. If I heard them up there I would bang on the roof and they would settle down...not anymore. Now when I bang on the ceilings not only do they keep scurrying around but I would swear they bang back the same way and then chuckle. They are just like those effing Canadian Geese, they think they rule this world.

Today I decided that I'm going to show these little furry rats who is in charge. I'm going to bait a few traps and trap their furry little asses. I can see it now, they are going to squeeze through the hole they chewed out of my roof, climb into the warmth of my attic and see the nice meal I left for them. Sure there is going to be some confusion on their minds, but I know they will take a few minutes, talk it over and decide that I am a nice guy that is looking to greet them into their new home. Then one of the mother effers will foolishly step into the cage and BAM!!! I got him.

Now this is where I need some guidance. There are a few things I could do with this stupid waste of a creature. I could take the cute little fuzzy guy to a park or nice wooded area and release him, or I can fill up a trash can with water drop the cage in and stick a brick on top, letting that nut burying, wire chewing vermin see me the friendly, peanut butter and cracker guy as he gasps for his last bit of air.

Sure, I know that some of you are thinking that I am an awful person, but that is better then what I was going to do at first. I was going to gear up in my hunting gear and sit inside my house at dusk waiting for the little bastards to come in, then shoot them in the skull. It doesn't end there. I was then going to take the dead little squirrel and hang him from my gutter showing all the others what would happen if they wanted to take up residence at my place.
Doesn't a euphoric drowning seem a lot better?

If you have any other ideas please let me know...the squirrels are running out of time.